Storm Louis was passing over Antwerp that Friday evening. Looking out at the rain heavily battering the window, Remus (17 – he/him, they/them), youth spokesperson for Wel Jong would arrive any minute.
‘Wel Jong’ is a youth organisation run for and by young people in Flanders and Brussels. Their mission is building an equal society where everybody can be themselves in terms of their sexuality and gender experience.
“When I first applied at ‘Wel Jong’, I just thought it was fun to think of myself as a spokesperson. I couldn’t see myself doing it, because I had never seen a trans person of my age in that position. But this realisation proved that more representation is necessary: we need more diversity, more people like me in positions like that. That’s why I decided to go for it, 100%.”
It’s difficult for cis people to understand why a 17-year-old could feel such joy from just being able to kick a ball around in a safe environment. “That’s what makes Wel Jong so special”, Remus says. “It was the first place where I could just be. I can go to Wel Jong camp and just play ball, without being ‘the trans kid’, without thinking about pronouns, without having to explain anything. Wel Jong helps us find community and space to grow, which is something a lot of queer kids need.”
“I didn’t realise how much I needed a space to be myself, surrounded by similar people, until I experienced it. Before I came out as trans at school, I was constantly stressed. Just imagine: I’d been at this school for two years, and no one had ever seen me piss. (Laughs) I worried if they noticed I always changed clothes behind the wall to take off my binder. I was anxious about how they would react if they found out I was trans. Every day I carried this anxiety. It was only when I went to Wel Jong, a place where I felt safe, that I realised how much this stress had affected my confidence.”
“Growing up as a trans kid, you get forced to grow up quickly because your identity is constantly questioned. You need to have a strong sense of self and have to fight to maintain it. Most people my age don’t need to defend their identity or deal with the burden of being asked about certain topics. They certainly haven’t even thought about having kids, I’ve been getting questions about my reproductive situation since I was 11.”
Prof. Michael Kimmel said “Privilege is invisible to those who have it.” Most cis people, for example, don’t consider their identity open for discussion. It‘s a privilege to constantly see stories in the media that reflect your experiences. Stereotypes of cis-heteronormative lives are reinforced everywhere. It is a basic human need to see people like you and, more importantly, to see them happy. White cishet people experience this constantly; their sense of belonging has never been taken away.
For people who don’t have that kind of privilege, labels can help: “I find labels helpful for myself because they bring me peace in the sense that I don't have to think about my identity every day.
I can just live. Labels are common in society and I see LGBTQIA+ labels as part of that norm. My brother plays football and calls himself a footballer. He's quite good at it, though professional players use the same label, which means something different for them. Sometimes I play too, so technically, I could be called a footballer. However, since I don’t see myself that way, I don’t use the label. I thus find labels helpful to communicate who I am without explaining the entire backstory. The labels I use are ‘trans man’ and ‘queer.”
“When I first started looking for my labels, I felt a bit lost. On the one hand, I thought I wouldn't be accepted under the gay label as a trans man.On the other hand, I found it difficult to find my place in the trans masc community because I had a pretty atypical transition. I felt like I was not really one of either group. Then I stumbled upon the word queer, and I realised that’s the word for me. I feel joy when using ‘queer’ because – to me – it’s liberating to realise the checkpoints for being trans or gay are just made up. I don’t have to meet particular criteria, I just do what I want.”
And this self-confidence is what we need to be proud of ourselves and move forward. Remus' confidence is what drove him to be his true self, and drove him to become a spokesperson that inspires our community: “One of the things I admire about myself is that I commit 100% when I do things- whether it’s sports, community, or just being myself. I want to feel like I did everything I could.”
We are stronger when we’re proud. If there’s one thing our community benefits from abundantly, it’s pride.
Site: Remus Verwimp
Instagram: @r.r.remus
Tekst: Seriously Hilary
Foto's: Marijn Achten
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